


it builds and it dies

by lesbianmxgicians (kaianieves)



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Disappointment, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 19:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20051623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaianieves/pseuds/lesbianmxgicians
Summary: It feels like her life has been building up to this moment since she was thirteen, staring at Lucy Liu on the DVD cover of the Charlie’s Angels movie and wondering why she was so fascinated by the way the woman looked.Julia stands in the living room of their stolen apartment now, though, everyone organized in front of her. It feels like her heart is racing a mile a minute, and when she opens her mouth vomit will beat the words that have been swirling around in her head for days.





	it builds and it dies

It feels like her life has been building up to this moment since she was thirteen, staring at Lucy Liu on the DVD cover of the  _ Charlie’s Angels  _ movie and wondering why she was so fascinated by the way the woman looked. But not just how she looked, though; the energy she exuded, even from a piece of paper behind a thin piece of protective plastic. Julia would come to know that the energy she thought Liu had on that DVD cover, in the precious words of her MySpace friends, was dyke energy. The messages just made her giggle and roll her eyes, because she couldn’t be-

But then the summer after tenth grade arrived, and she was volunteering at the Brooklyn animal shelter to get some work hours in. There was a girl- Kitty was what she went by, but Katrina was her real name. She had pink hair and olive skin and the prettiest lips that Julia thought she’d ever seen. Kitty wore peach lipgloss and all Julia ever wanted to do was taste it, yet they barely ever spoke a word.

Needless to say, when she found out Kitty was headed off to college in September from an overheard conversation with the owner of a shepherd spaniel, her heart felt like it had dropped out of her chest and into her stomach. Her mother kept asking her why she was crying. Julia couldn’t tell.

Julia stands in the living room of their stolen apartment now, though, everyone organized in front of her: Quentin’s sitting on the couch, his thigh touching Eliot’s. Alice sits a foot away from them, next to Penny. Kady is standing next to the arm rest, face looking bored. It feels like her heart is racing a mile a minute, and when she opens her mouth vomit will beat the words that have been swirling around in her head for days.

Finally, the clock stops as she says, “I’m gay.” Everyone on the couch freezes for a moment before the tension eases, and Eliot’s eyes look confused.

“Alright,” he says. “Is that all?”

And suddenly the world isn’t about to end, but Julia  _ is  _ starting to feel rather upset that this is their reaction. Quentin shrugs his shoulders. “Cool, Jules.”

She stumbles around her words. “Well- that’s it? An ‘alright’, a ‘cool Jules’?”

Kady looks confused now too. “Yeah. Why?”

“I-I don’t know, I was just expecting a- y’know, a  _ reaction, _ ” Julia says. They all seem to get up at the same time, moving about the apartment to get where they want to go. She follows after Eliot. “Look, I get it’s not  _ Glee  _ and this isn’t like, a super big deal but I just kind of wanted…” He looks at her, waiting for the end of the sentence. “More.”

Eliot seems to consider this before he rolls his eyes. Then he opens his arms wide, moving his hands in a welcoming motion. “Come here, before I change my mind,” he drawls. Julia moves slowly forward, right up to his chest as he wraps his arms around her back. “Here, Julia,” he says, chin on top of her head. “I, as resident local gay, now decree you a lesbian which allows you to go out into the world and fuck as many women as you seem fit. Provided their returned enthusiastic consent, of course.” Then he sighs, the kind of sigh you make after you chug a bottle of cold, refreshing water on a hot summer day. “Now go, little birdie. Fly free.” Eliot lets her go, backing up and then walking around her, headed for the door.

Julia looks around to see that Penny has peaced the fuck out, Alice is staring at her phone and Kady’s putting on her shoes to leave. Quentin rubs her shoulder affectionately, a sorry look on his face before he follows Eliot. The door clicks shut as the three of them leave.

Julia presses her tongue to the roof of her mouth instead of grinding her teeth, because that’s bad for the bones in your jaw. She thinks she might have been better off not telling them at all.


End file.
